How To Kill It This Halloween: Spooktacular Business Lessons

Halloween is traditionally a time for scaring the shit out of each other, and invoking a little witchcraft and supernatural hoodoo.

Witches get a bad rep but the practice of The Craft is actually very beneficial to your business. If you missed last year’s epic marathon of a halloween special, check out my post on The Secrets To Blogging Success That Are Actually Witchcraft

This year I thought I’d further indulge my inner Goth and talk about monsters.

In fairness, I do this most of the year over on Sci-Fi Fantasy Network, where I’m the editor of the Supernatural section and frequently write about vampires, zombies, and various Fantasy shows like Shadow Hunters and Game of Thrones.

I’m currently covering the new Star Trek: Discovery series, which is a little offbeat for me, so it’s nice to get back to talking about monsters.

Or more specifically, the business lessons we can draw from the various creepsters, critters and bizarre superstitions running abroad at this most wonderful, hallowed time of year (seriously, Christmas has nothing on All Hallows Eve in my house!). From Black Cats to Mummies and everything in between, here are five Halloween staples that can help you totally kill it in your business…

Black Cats

There’s a lot of superstition about black cats around Halloween. They’re perhaps one of the most easily recognised symbols of the season. Most people associate black cats with bad luck, and indeed folklore has it that there are a great many things about black cats that can lead to bad luck…

  • If a black cat should cross your path by moonlight, it’s an omen of death. Specifically, that you will die in an epidemic (zombie apocalypse, anyone?).
  • Should a black cat cross your path as you are driving, it can also bring bad luck, unless you mark your windscreen with an X, and turn your hat backwards (unsure what you’re supposed to do if you’re not wearing a hat).
  • Seeing a cat from behind is also considered to bring ill-luck.

But not all black cat superstitions are negative.

  • Finding your doorstep occupied by a strange black cat will bring you prosperity.
  • If you discover a white hair on an otherwise entirely black cat it will bring you good luck.
  • Charms made from black cat bones are believed by some cultures to have magical properties. Irish tradition, for example, believes they have the power to render the holder of the charm invisible (do not try this at home!).
  • And for all that seeing a cat from behind, or walking away from you, are omens of ill-luck and imminent doom, a black cat walking towards you brings good fortune.

Black cats are basically the perfect metaphor for prospective clients in business.

When a lead is walking your way they have the potential to bring luck, prosperity, and general happiness.

But when they’re walking away from you they can leave you with a sick, awful feeling of rejection, inadequacy, and the fear that you’re crap at everything and will never succeed.

The lesson? Make sure you have a cat-attracting super-converting system in place to draw all those kitty cats to you, and seduce them into staying with bucket loads of catnip, stellar products and services, and a dedication to creating the best client journey possible.

Vampires

They suck the life right out of you. It’s important to be aware (and wary) of vampires when you’re blogging. You want a tribe made up of ideal clients who are both interested in your work, and not only willing, but capable of buying from you (or at least, very likely to be at some point in the future). Check out my post on finding your tribe and killing vampires for more details…

Shambling Mummy Syndrome

There are two main types of mummy monster. One is the Shambling Mummy, who looks something like this:

The other is the Magic Mummy, who looks more like this:

The Mummy Spooktacular Business Lessons From Halloween

In their original form (not the Hollywood, post-CGI form we see the likes of Tom Cruise, Rachel Weisz and Brandon Fraser battling), the mummy is the most ineffectual monster ever. They’re slow (yet somehow always catch people), lurch around as if blinded by all those bandages, and generally don’t do much to freak a person out.

I mean, yeah, they’re dead folk walking, and there’s something fundamentally eerie about that, but they lack the blind terror that comes with the rotting flesh of the walking dead, hell bent on trying to eat you alive.

Seriously, what exactly do shambling mummies do when they catch you? Yes, they kill you but…is that it?

Really?

You just die?

If that’s the worst that befalls you in a conversation about mythical beasties and things that go bump in the night, you’ve got off easy.

Why Mummies Are The Joke Of Halloween

Vampires slowly drain the life out of you, potentially turning you into one of their own and forcing you to spend an eternity allergic to sunlight, and dealing with an odd compulsion to watch teenagers sleep for no discernible reason.

Werewolves and zombies tear you to pieces and eat those pieces.

Witches are capable of all manner of nightmarish curses.

Ghosts are far more effective and genuinely terrifying because they can be anywhere, at any time, and if they get you you’re very likely doomed to spend the rest of eternity trapped as a ghost yourself.

Shambling mummies are the joke of Halloween.

They’re not frightening, they don’t even look particularly creepy most of the time. You can get away from them by moving at a brisk pace, and all it would take to foil them is digging a big hole and pushing them into it. If they can’t walk without their arms out in front of them to figure out where they’re going, I’m not sure how they’d climb out of a pit.

Make it a fire pit and you’re covering all bases.

Fire kills everything.

Except Daenerys Targaryen, but that’s a different genre, so it doesn’t really count.

So where are the shambling mummies in your business?

Simple – anywhere you’ve slapped a bandage on something and left it to fumble around in the dark.

The Mother Of All Blogging Mistakes

The blog posts you half-ass because you haven’t the time, can’t be bothered, don’t know what or how to write, or don’t believe they’re worth the effort – they never work anyway, right? That’s a shambling mummy, right there. If you want to turn it into a magic mummy you need to do one thing: figure out what you want your blog to achieve, select the right blogging strategy, and apply that strategy effectively and consistently either, by doing it yourself (I know, sucks to be you, right?) or, hiring someone to deal with it for you (Shameless plug! Check out my SEO Blog Bundles).

The Content Marketing Shambles

How about the content you pour your heart and soul into but do nothing to promote, and wonder why nobody’s reading it? You need to create a killer social media strategy and/or PPC marketing campaign instead. Do a little husltin’! (Alternatively, sign up for my awesome Divine Blogging Content Marketing package and get me to hustle for you!)

Sales Funnel Freak Outs

Then there’s the sales funnels you never quite finish, or put together with whatever is handy rather than bespoke, targeted content and a clear plan. You need to create an uber-effective sales funnel.

The Death Of List-Building

And let’s not forget the list-building efforts that go nowhere because you have nothing to tempt people into signing up? You need genius content upgrades and lead magnets to entice them onto your list! (psssst The Divine Blogging Design will take care of that for you, too!)

Not Realising You’re Dead

And for those of you sitting there smugly thinking, “I’ve totally nailed all that! Shambling Mummy Syndrome isn’t a problem for me or my business!”, answer me this:

When’s the last time you made all those systems better?

Sure, they work, but if you’re not constantly updating, learning, finding better methods, and creating new content your business will plateau.

Here’s the thing: If you let your business stagnate, you’re still a shambling mummy, you just haven’t noticed you’re dead yet.

You have prettier bandages than most, and you’re not lurching along, but you’re not yet up to Imhotep speed.

How To Avoid A Shambling Mummy

If you’re unable or unwilling to perfect an area of your business right now, and must slap some bandages on it to deal with the issue, make sure they’re the best damn bandages you can find.

And don’t grow complacent; in business terms, lack of growth is tantamount to death.

Magic Mummies are cool, effective, and utterly terrifying.

Shambling Mummies are a total joke.

And your business isn’t a joke, is it?

Haunted Houses

Another staple of this spooky season is the haunted house. Many a blogger finds their business crumbling under the strain of such a desolate and creepy phenomena.

Your website is your mansion. It’s the home of your business, brand, and products and services. At least, it should be!

The residents of your mansion (by which I mean your audience) will die off if you stop blogging, or fail to blog to begin with. If you don’t update your site or produce any new content, attracting traffic to your site will be very difficult and expensive. You will have very limited organic traffic, forcing you to pay to reach potential new clients. And what will they find when they reach your site?

Nothing.

Literally, zip.

The thing with haunted houses is that they’re very rarely genuinely haunted. They’re just some creepy old abandoned building that people tell ghost stories about. They hype gets out of control, you go there, and all you find is a load of musty crap and a shit ton of rodents.

They’re still creepy – abandoned buildings are always gloriously creepy – but they’re not the fun-packed fright fest you were promised.

The only good thing about them is that you generally have a bit of fun taking the piss out of whichever idiot bought into the fact it was haunted, and started freaking out.

Oh, and the candy floss.

Because what’s a trip to a haunted house without candy floss?

An abandoned website is about as creepy, off putting, and disappointing as a haunted house. But worse, because you have to endure it without the fun and promise of candy floss.

The solution? Update your site regularly with lots of high-quality content!

Ghosts

If you find yourself saddled with a haunted house and you don’t have the time, skill or inclination to get in there, do it up, and transform it back into a mansion, there’s a really easy fix…

Get a ghost to do it.

Ghosts are very happy haunting old dilapidated houses, ensuring those who visit get a great experience, tell all their friends, and come back night after night eager for more.

And don’t worry – you don’t have to trick someone into working on your site and then unceremoniously kill them. Ghosts are available to hire…

No blog content? No problem!

If you’re looking for a boost in your Google rankings, hire a ghostwriter to create SEO blog posts.

Or, if you’re looking to build a dedicated tribe of raving superfans and market your business via your email list, hire a ghostwriter to design the perfect content marketing strategy, complete with high-value blog posts, content upgrades, killer lead magnets and social media marketing posts.

It just so happens that I’m a ghost, offering both these services and more, so if you’d like to know exactly what having your own pet ghost can do for your business, book a free discover call now. Until then, I wish you a Spooktacular Halloween…

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Hazel is an author, copywriter, content marketer and blogger. She specialises in helping creative entrepreneurs, coaches and small business owners harness the power of the pen (or keyboard!) to market their products and services through soulful selling. She's had several academic papers published internationally, and featured on sites such as The Huffington Post. In addition to her professional work as a writer, Hazel is also a fiction author. She has published several books and short stories, including The Uber Author Planner, Chasing Azrael, a Urban Fantasy novel, and Bleizgeist, a Dark Fantasy novella. Hazel has a regular weekly column on Sci-Fi Fantasy Network, and is currently working on her next novel, Death Becomes Me.

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